Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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