Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
