This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
