I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
