Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
And then my night got REAL pukey
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
