The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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