He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
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Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
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The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking