If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED