Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
I'm going to Hell for sure
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner