I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
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I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
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when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.