So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
