Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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