you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Randomize
