His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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