He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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