Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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