Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Randomize
