if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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