I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
