I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
