Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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