He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
