she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize