So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
