do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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