so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
