we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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