i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
