it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
