i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
two words...techno handjob
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
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