my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
