I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
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