What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
