Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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