Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
