She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
