alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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