I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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