Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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