I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
