doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
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We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
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My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize