She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
