This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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