They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
