got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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