There is no way he is gay with that hair.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
