my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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