ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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