My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
