It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
