also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
ttyl tear gas
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
