And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Randomize
