My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
