I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
