Sponge bath it is.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
