And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
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