He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
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