All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
