The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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