Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
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Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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