Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
