how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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