oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
