In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
