he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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