I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
